Is existence in an of itself painful? How is it that a day, a very plain, nondescript, as common a day as can be, can bring about a roller coaster of mental activity out of nothingness?

It's Monday. For some reason, many people on this God-forsaken Earth share a hatred for Mondays. Escapes me, but you know, I enjoy going against the flow. So anyways, it's Monday afternoon. You're at work, sitting at your desk, working away, as you should be doing since you're at work. Ahem. Not on your phone, no, that is not working. You've had a good morning, no wait, a great morning. So great in fact, that you didn't see it go by. All you know is that all of a sudden, your stomach was writhing in very small pangs of hunger, but since you're living comfortably in a rich country, you don't know what it feels like to go without a meal for more than four or five hours. So you look at the clock, and lo and behold, it's lunch time. You have lunch, something somewhat boring, a sandwich or some unimpressive quick fix, made slightly fancier by the addition of philadelphia cream cheese, because you're better than the no-name brand stuff that is exactly the same thing but costs half. Oh, and a nice sprinkle of salt and pepper. Yes, that's it. Who's a good lunch, eh, who's a good lunch? Oh yea, you are a good lunch. Good lunch! After lunch, you go back to work, and debate whether or not you should feed your caffeine addiction further, or switch to fruit teas as you usually do. Not because you don't need the caffeine, you actually almost desperately need it, but because you would feel really guilty having a fifth cup of coffee AGAIN. Plus, you've noticed that all that coffee in the morning, and all that red wine at night is playing a game of making-your-teeth-less-white. And frankly, they're winning. So a fruit tea changes the taste in your mouth, but does nothing for the three o'clock crash that's luring ahead of you. You try to ignore it. And then it hits you. You are asphyxiated, sitting over your work. It's as if a giant took a hold of you and dunked you into a large, deep pool of water, and is holding you underneath the water's surface. For a brief moment, you only feel your pulse accelerating, and your lungs screaming to be filled. Your mind, which was simply drifting between thoughts while accomplishing some menial job somehow got entangled in and around itself and is now desperately grasping for air. You manage to take a deep breath, sucking the air hungrily through your nose, but not too loudly, because you don't want to disrupt your co-workers. This one lung-full of air only makes you realize how much more you need. Your chest is crushed, your heart races. You keep on working while your mind tries to untangle itself. You get up and go to another work station, nodding hi to a co-worker whose path you cross on the way. They suspect nothing, go on to their own destination. You come back. Still, your mind won't shut the hell up. It's making so much noise. You change the song playing on your mp3 to something soothing. Maybe the angry German music did it. What the fuck it going on? What is this peculiarity of the human condition, going into fight or flight mode while ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY IS GOING ON.

Finally, after an hour or two, your breathing has gone back to normal. Your pulse had calmed the fuck down. You are drained. You are empty. You wonder about the meaning of existence. It takes too much effort. The work day is over. You go home, where the familiar chores will dull your senses for a few hours. Where you'll try to make sense of what happened today. You know though, that it is not a one-time deal. It lurks behind dark thoughts, it lurks behind insecurities, waiting for the opportune moment to torment you. Your mind is a sadist. A masochist. It likes to see you scream in silence.