Keeping on top of things without externally set time limits is hard

Obviously, I have a problem with self-discipline.

Seeing things through without any external driving factors is something that I find incredibly difficult.
Sometimes, I even find that I'm talking myself out of tasks and projects. Projects that I initiated in the first place. How fucked up is that? Surely, many people also do that. But I find myself left to my own devices waaaaay too often. And after I've kept myself trapped in my bedroom for too long I start to question the very need of going out of the room unless absolutely necessary. Even getting out of bed can be problematic.

Example: it took me two days to talk myself into going to the Bahnhof to take passport photos for my application form to re-apply to this programme in Germany. Two. Days.
The bahnhof is a 5-minute walk away from here. And it took me two. days. Whole days. I kept talking myself out of it. "Oh but I'm wearing makeup now, I'll go tomorrow." "Uhm, I need to change my nose ring to one that I can flip up, I'll go after school." "Oh, it's raining lightly, I'll wait till it clears up." "It's past 6 o'clock, I don't feel like it. I'll go tomorrow morning,"

*Slams head against wall* Yes, I think I need some external motivation. Big time. Nothing too fancy. A buddy to come round and have tea and scones, and quatsch about for an hour or so.

But you know what I find intensely funny and ironic (read here: the best way not to cry is to laugh) is that I decided to live in a WG (shared flat) so that I wouldn't live alone and go insane. Clearly something didn't quite work in my brilliant plan. Because I can feel insanity creeping up. Sometimes I even get up, start laughing and jumping around in my bedroom to reassure myself of the fact that I am still, in fact, a human being. But coming back to the point of this paragraph. Though my flatmate (formerly flatmates) are (were) really nice, we never bonded, or did much of anything together. We keep to ourselves, and since it's now been 6-7 months since I moved in, I don't know how to approach them in a desinvolte (disinvolved, but I like how the french sounds better) manner. Now it's just painfully peinlich (awkward, I like the aliteration here) when I try to start a conversation or do some small talk. Hell, I've reached the point that I won't go into the kitchen if I here my roommate in there.

And so I practice escapism as much as I can. Oh look, a free weeken- Tschüüssie! I'm out of this place. And then I straggle back in as late as I can on Sunday (or Tuesday), to show up to school the next day. I just leave a quick note. Something along the lines of: Hey, I'm gone, see you. Sometimes I am a tad more explicit: Hey, I'm gone to Leipzig, medieval fair, see you. That is self-explanatory. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to go to Leipzig for a medieval fair.

And that, meinen Damen und Herren, is my trouble.